to forget

I forgot about this blog. In the insanity of my life I got lost and found myself running in every direction longing to have an outlet for my heart...but i forgot. My heart is in shambles once again. My head throbs as I try and tell myself that everything will be ok...im tired of telling myself it will be ok... I just want it to be ok. I feel lost and alone. I feel like the person I love is stringing me along as he tries to figure out what direction to head with his life...and in my lack of self esteem, i ride this train as it heads straight off a cliff. I just keep praying against all odds the breaks will screech and the train will turn a new direction. I know it won't get easier...i just want to know it will be worth it. Oh God please comfort my aching heart. Please guide me...direct my steps, my heart, my thoughts...my life. Help me separate from the pain and help me live....you know my desires and my dreams...you know the complexities of my heart. Please be close...closer than you ever have before. I need you. Desperately need you to be all i need. I need you to be my everything because im tired of needing anyone else. I just want to need you and know you and be captivated and held by you. Please Lord, ease the pain. Bring sweet sleep and surprise blessings tomorrow. Show me your love in new ways....be known. Please. Here is my heart...my soul...my life. I give it back to you.