falling in love

I am totally about to quote Avalon, get ready : ).

"Everything to me
He's more than a story
more than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breath
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
He's everything, everything to me."


The Lord has just been doing so many amazing things in my life and as i see him at work all around me I have really begun to fall in love with Him. I think its so different to love someone because, well because you just love them. But then there comes a day when your heart begins to be stirred and it flutters and you find that you are being pursued. You find that you are the affection of someones love. We experience it with good friends or boyfriends or parents...its not just romantic. It really is like a small flower that is beginning to bloom...your heart begins to open to this other person and you let them in. I am falling in love with Jesus, really falling in love with Him, for the first time. I can't tell you what exactly changed it but there is this hunger for Him...this desire for His comfort...this desire to nestle up to Him and draw near to Him because He is good...He is loving...He is the God He has always been...but He has captured my heart. He long ago captured my mind...but He finally turned the key to my heart and awakened me to His love.
The main thing I want to write about really fast before i go to bed is to really just profess His abundant provision. When I was deciding if I was going to go into the hospital I was having alot of trouble with insurance and finances. I didn't have to money to go into the hospital and my insurance wasn't going to start for another month. BUT, the Lord through a combination of things confirmed that going into the hospital was what He was asking me to do. So in timid obedience I went in. I just got my bill back and out of the 9000 dollar bill I owe 100 dollars. The rest is covered. I feel like the Lord is really wanting to show me His heart and that my obedience is what opens his hands to provide for me. How can He provide for me if I am not walking in His plans, plans for my good and for my future. He is saying to me, Bethany, I am here. I am your provider. Step out in faith and see that I catch you. Every time. Every step I am there and have already walked the steps you will take...I know what is on the other side of this mountain and it is good. Let me protect you. Walk in my obedience and surrender.

How good is the Lord? Wow, I am just amazed. And food has been difficult and hard today and I didn't feel like coming home and hooking up to my feeding pump. But I did. He provides a way every time but its up to me to take it. So I trust in Him and I ask for accountability. I actually ask my roommate if I should take tonight to fast and pray about a meeting I am scared about tomorrow. She responded by coming in and pouring the cans of formula into the bag for me to hook up to my feeding tube.
So I stand on His promises tonight:

I won't be afraid for you are with me.
I will not be discouraged because you are my God.
You will strengthen me and Help me. In Jesus name. Amen.


Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.